Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
i out mim tonsoeep
Randomize