i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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