I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
