i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize