Porn is love you can see.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
