Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
