There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
