do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
