Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
