I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
