If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
