I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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