omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
