Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Randomize
