I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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