life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
