so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
