He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
