Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
