the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
