apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
50% drunk capacity currently
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
