I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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