Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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