he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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