i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
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