Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
