oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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