The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
