How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Just puked most of my soul out..
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