these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
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