Kareoke will never be a sober sport
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize