I hate all girls vehemently.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
