Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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