so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
