so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
