if you like me you must not know who I am
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
you made out with another girl for some wings
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
