Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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