i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
