i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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