So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
my being single is dangerous.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Randomize
