i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
