I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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