just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
