I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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