oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
