at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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