i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
