where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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