Best friends brother. Beat that.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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