Swine flu. Run for my life!
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
