Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
