Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
