If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I wish they made helmets for livers.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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