tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
