The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
