soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
