I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
