She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
