I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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