my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
