This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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