no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I will pee on everything he values.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
