Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
