he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
