i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
