from now on my penis is your penis
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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