I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
